"My Soul Is Pained No More"

Wendy Pinson writes about her thoughts from Tyler's service. 

Tyler and his dad were our home teachers for years. To date, they are still the most consistent home teachers we've ever had. Tyler gave the lesson every other month and my kids especially loved having him.

At the funeral, I greatly appreciated the music. I came 45 minutes early and was touched by the pianist and violinist that brought the spirit during that quiet time. As they played, I read Mosiah chapter 26 - 28 with thoughts of Tyler and others that struggle with mental illness.

Mosiah 27:29 reads:
"My soul hath been redeemed from the gall of bitterness and bonds of iniquity. I was in the darkest abyss; but now I behold the marvelous light of God. My soul was racked with eternal torment; but I am snatched, and my soul is pained no more."

With mental illness as my perspective, this is what I wrote in my scripture journal:
"This is how some of us feel on earth with mental illness. Jesus Christ has overcome the world. He's overcome and healed the illnesses and pains of this world, including mental illness. Those pains of mental illness remain with this world as we move on to a higher sphere. There we can continue to progress without the debilitating illnesses of the body."

I was Raquel's visiting teacher for a few months after she completed high school. She came with me to a Matt Townsend fireside. She came with her notebook & pen in hand. I asked what she liked about it and what her hopes were for the future. She said she loved psychology and would love to study it in college.

I was touched by her talk regarding her brother. She spoke of the same scripture in Mosiah that touched me. She shared a heartfelt poem about a star that felt lonely and distant from the other stars. He could see them, but couldn't feel their warmth and love. And so he turned into a black hole so he could draw them near.

I could feel Raquel's love for her brother and her understanding of the pain he was going through. She expressed many things she learned from him about forgiveness, never judging another's heart or intentions, and choosing to see the good in others. I could see that Raquel has a great ability in the field of psychology and I hope she pursues that dream she shared with me that summer after high school.

While listening to Karen's talk, I learned that I want to gain the ability to "like" my kids in their difficult behaviors. That's not easy, especially with persistent difficult behaviors. When I came home from the funeral, I asked my kids if they knew what I liked about them. This question led to a deeper conversation about my love for them. Thank you, Karen, for your example of a mom who sticks by her son in difficult times.

From Becky and Raquel, I learned that siblings can easily know more what they like about each other. So, if I have a hard time remembering what I like about my kids, (because of the weight of responsibility of parenthood) I can always ask my other kids. They'll remember the times they played together and the relationships they built.

From John, I learned that it's ok to be open when among friends. True friends will always love and support you.

The hymns of praise at the meeting brought the comfort of the spirit in a powerful way. "Sweet hour of prayer" reminded me of the power of prayer to save us from the cares of this world. The cousins singing, "Child's Prayer," confirmed to me that Heavenly Father is real and he does hear and answers the prayers of all his children. I don't have to feel distant from his star (kolob). I can feel his warmth and closeness as I turn to him in prayer. Tyler's cousins and family are going to need this closeness as they continue to process their grief and pain.

The closing hymn was hard to sing. Everyone was crying. The violin and piano played a verse of, "If I could Hie to Kolob," in a duet while we listened and let our feelings set in. Then the chorister stood and had each grieving friend of Tyler's sang five verses of hope and knowledge that there is no end to the goodness and glory of God and his care for his children. On the last few verses, the organ added its deep richness to that message of hope. I know there is no end to Tyler's ability to progress.

As the bishop's closing remarks suggested, Tyler (and we) shed the difficulties of this world as we pass into the next. We even lovingly pick up some new difficulties because God's work and his glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. God's work is to progress his children through his plan of salvation.

I love the Olsen family. I hope my thoughts bring them comfort and insight to the thoughts and feeling of friends who witnessed a powerful testimony of Gods love for his children as we attended Tyler's funeral services.

Love,
Wendy Pinson